


That's Not Phar-Ah!

by HealthDrink



Series: Overwatch Bundle [8]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/F, Fareeha is a Cat, Fluff, Gen, Gremlin!Diva, I am super drunk right now i don't even, Miao Miao, Overwatch - Freeform, Pharah x Mercy - Freeform, Pharmercy, So much WORSE, University woes, but with magic, rocket angel, so much crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 07:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11550903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HealthDrink/pseuds/HealthDrink
Summary: Fareeha Amari, star captain of the Montreal Canadiens mixed hockey team, Canada. Angela Ziegler, final year undergraduate studying to become a doctor in Reinhardt University, Germany. On Hallow’s Eve, one of them bumps into a gremlin, drunk as a skunk. Hilarity ensues.





	That's Not Phar-Ah!

Montreal, Canada

“Gentlemen.”

Genji and Hanzo stopped, as the witch teleported right in front of them.

“Smile~”

_\- flash –_

Both Japanese athletes were left stunned by their surroundings, as they both crashed on the ground. The gremlin removed her black sunglasses. “Ha **ha** , works ever time. Agent J can kiss my-“ **Shit.** She accidentally flashed the hovering girl too. And a black cat who happened to be sleeping near the waste bins. The poor thing. She didn’t mean-

_Waiiiiit…_

_3 hours earlier…_

Reinhardt University, Germany

“Come on, come on, you can do it **, you can do it**!”

A fair headed girl was dressed in bright red fan gear, complete with face paint and official M.C. stocking apparel. Her two friends wore simple pyjamas. As expected of the late hour. “Angela, zére eez litairal-lee on-lee oné-minute léft. Ze game eez practical-lee ovair.”     

Three undergrads were staying awake late at night in order to give each other company. Actually, no. That’s a half truth. Two undergrads were still awake because _A CERTAIN ASPIRING DOCTOR_ won’t stop fangirling over the team captain of the overseas hockey team.

“Oooooooh, **penalty**! Yes! Yes! We can do this!!! Go Montreals!”

“Dios mio, Angie. Just… go to Canada or something. You can cheer for your team THERE.”

“Ze team? Sombra, you know Angela on-lee cares abut-“

Sombra had to stop Amelie right there. Angela started doing the Viking clap alongside the CM fans in the stadium. “She’s gotta give the captain good luck~ Other **we’ll** take the blame if they lose.”

The normally sarcastic French girl stayed silent. She knew not to piss Angela off in _that_ state.

The object of the blonde girl’s affection stood in front of the opposing post.

Took aim… winked at the cameras…

**-swing-**

“GOOOOOOOOOOOAL!” Angela jumped around full of glee. “ ** _JAAAA,_** **IN YOUR FAAAAAAAAACE** -!!” As the blonde girl kept flipping both birds towards the very disappointed derby team, Sombra (Age 19: Institute of Digital Games, Game Designer, Year 3) and Amelie (Age 20: Media and Communications, Film Pioneer, Year 4) kept looking at the cheering red team who won the game in the last minute.

“At least this game wasn’t a complete waste of time,” Sombra switched her mobile off, quite satisfied with the result. She looked at Angela (Age 27: Faculty of Medicine and Surgery, Doctor Studies, Year 7) with a sly smile on her face. “Your beloved team **NEVER** loses a match on Halloween.”

“Sombra… did you bét on ze Montreahls to win? That’s zo lik you.  _Tsk Tsk."_

“ _Of course I did_. Took advantage of the rumour that this type of match would be fixed,” Sombra didn’t notice Amelie telling her to zip it through hand motions. “And my wallet is very grateful that it might be tru-“

Sombra, meet wall. “ _Where did you hear that.”_

“O-ON THE INTERNET, ANGIE. I-IT WASN’T ME, no n-no it’ wasn’t **hahahaha** , no bullshit-“

**_“Show me the link.”_ **

“Eeeeeeehh… Amelie, a _little_ help here?” Amelie kept drinking her cool chocolate drink.

“Le Hon **NON**.”

“ _Oh come on_ -!! URK!”

“ _YOU HAVEN’T ANSWERED MY QUESTION YET~”_

* * *

A few hours later, outside Montreal Stadium, Canada

**♫”PUT MY HEAD IN A BASKET”♪**

**♫”CAUSE I HAD A TANK FULL”♪**

**♪”WHEN SHE BLEW MY GASKET”♫**

**♪”I SURE WAS GRATEFUL~~~~~!!!”♫**

Three members of the Canadian mixed hockey team were still partying from the cheerful atmosphere their coach pre-booked for them. His inspiring speech was still being quoted by them. Genji imitated their coach’s accent whilst hanging alongside his teammates, as Hanzo and Fareeha couldn’t keep their faces straight. “And re **member** ma team… the losers are **NEVER REMEMBERED.** ”

“YES ZENYATTA!”

“Are **YOU** the losers?”

“NO ZENYATTA!”

“Then prove it to me… and come back **victorious**!” Genji raised his arms dramatically. After that half time speech, the rival squad had no chance. “Ahahaha! This is great! The championship is literally only two matches away…! We should do this more ofteeeen~”

“Haha… well. If it weren’t for Fareeha over here, we would’ve lost precious poi-“

“Shhh! Hey, aren’t we supposed to use our fake names?”

Right right. It was Halloween. After their well-deserved post victory party, Coach Zenyatta gave his star power much needed freedom, under two conditions. One, they had to be in top shape for the six o’clock morning training the next day. Two, stir no trouble for the news to gorge on. Everything else was fair game. Oh, and wear Halloween costumes. It’s not Hallow’s Eve without costumes.

“I feel like a superhero in disguise with this costume,” Genji, masking himself as Raiden, lowered his Chinese hat to look mysterious. “At least this was much cheaper than the other option… did you know that Raiden’s costume from MGS costs 5k at a _minimum_?”

“Ge-Raiden,” his younger brother reminded. “You’re _rich_. We’re _all_ rich.”

“Yeah, and? Doesn’t stop you from wearing the same Yazuka outfit over and over again.”

“ **RAIDEN.”**

“Whaaaa-? It’s the truth! Even the actual series dropped Kazuma Kiryu off the shelves. And AGES AGO. Why can’t you go for something more modern for a change-?”

“Boys, boys! We’re all handsome, can we calm down now?”

The Shimada brothers lowered their heads in shame. “Yes, Captain.”

The Korra-themed hockey leader looked around (Age 22: C.M. Hockey Star Captain, Engineering Graduate) finding the situation hilarious despite being very tipsy herself. “Bleergh, why am I hanging out with you again? Urrgh... I could have found my Asami by now, but for _some reason_ I’m stuck babysitting you two.”

* * *

“ _A-choo!”_

“You okay Doc?”

"I tuld you, you need to stop staiéng awak late at night. Now you'll mak us all sik."

* * *

“Oh come on, Fa- KORRA~ You love us deep down, don’t cha?”

“Well yes. But the babysitting part is annoying.”

“Trust me, Korra,” Hanzo stared into the horizon. “You’re not here because of me.”

“Heeeeeeeey~”

All grudges gone, the trio started singing drunk songs together again. One of them bumped into a witch themed teenager by mistake.

“Whoops, sorry gremlin.”

“Ahaha, good one Captain~!!”

The costumed witch turned around. “Gremlin?”

Fareeha had no idea what she was doing. Drinking many kegs at once can do you that.

“Yeaaaaah... you look like one. Soo… hello Grem!”

The three players laughed their heads off, as the young witch kept getting redder out of anger. **“GREMLIN?!”**

This made the unsuspecting hockey players laugh their asses off. "Hey, she **does** looks like one-!"

* * *

You know what they say about Hallow’s Eve?

That the monsters are amongst us for one night every year?

Well…

As a hovering (and screaming) hockey star learned eventually.

**EVEN GREMLINS JOIN THAT EXCLUSIVE MONSTER PARTY.**

* * *

“WHAT THE **FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-**!”

Hanzo and Genji could do nothing but stare. Genji pointed, not sure if he should laugh or…

“Wi… wi… wiiii…. wi-wi-wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-“

“Witch.” Hanzo finished for his terrified brother. “Yes, that.” Both brothers stared towards each other. And ran away from the disguised witch, as they screamed their heads off like little sissies.

“ _WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTCHH_ - _!_ ”

“Gentlemen.”

Genji and Hanzo stopped, as the witch teleported right in front of them.

“Smile~”

_\- flash -_

Both Japanese athletes were left stunned by their surroundings, as they both crashed on the ground. The gremlin removed her black sunglasses. “Ha **ha** , works ever time. Agent J can kiss my-“ **Shit.** She accidentally flashed the hovering girl too. And a black cat who happened to be sleeping near the waste bins. The poor thing. She didn’t mean-

_Waiiiiit…_

She cannot believe it. This was gonna be FUN.

“HOCUS POCUS-! BIBIDI BOBITI-! **BLU-BA**!”

**-pow-**

In the cat’s place, Fareeha looked fast asleep. She started purring in slumber.

“YES! That wor-!”

The cat was nowhere to be seen. “SHIT,” the young witch slapped her forehead. “Of course! This is the first time I tried this spell on **PEOPLE**.”

Now where did that blasted cat go-?!

* * *

Ow.

This was one hell of a hangover. One of the best one in ages. Best as in **worst**. Ow. Ow. OW.

Fareeha woke up. She seemed to be in an alley. Somewhat. Not the first time, but... why did it look so big? And how odd… she _was_ seeing, but… it was almost like she could see a lot better than before… well. That’s new. She could smell even better. Heeey, is that a waaaaall…

…

OH HELL YES DID SHE BECOME SPIDERMA-         

“Goddamned cats-!” **OWWW!**

As Fareeha fell off the roof, a professor started shaking off the fur off the opened (and horizontal) window glass. “Always hated cats! Blasted things-!” He wiped his already bloating nose with his handkerchief. "Urgh, why is this University surrounded by-"

**-knock knock-**

“Ah, just in time,” the professor wiped his glasses. “Come in, Angela.”

The same fair headed doctor from before entered the room. “Guten Morgen, papa~”

“Guten Morgen, my dear spatz. How’s the course going till now?”

* * *

Phew. Good thing she’s got really good reflexes.

Dammit, that guy was so rude. And what was THAT about the whole cat thing-

_Miao. New one. Miao Miao. Welcome. Miao._

Okay, that’s new. She can talk to cats now.

Not exactly Spiderman but _hey_ , it’s a start.

Wait. Was that the sun already? SHIT. What time was it-?! She needed to go back to training asa-

Asa…

A…

Fareeha _finally_ saw what she had become through a conveniently clear puddle.

Okay, calm down. This… is a dream, yes. **Yes**. A nasty hangover dream. She will wake up, Genji will cry like a baby for getting up early as usual, Hanzo will shake his head like a mother would, Zenyatta will scold all three and they’ll run around the stadium three times over in punishment. Yes that’s what’s going to happ-

A fat ginger cat showed up right in front of Fareeha. It had a big scar over one of its eyes.

_One of miao. One of maaaaaaw._

The Egyptian athlete could only respond in one way to that.

**EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!**

“MRRRAAAA **AAAAAAAOOOOOW** -!”

Okay. OKAY.

SHE’S FINE.

SHE’S FINE.

Until she saw her tail.

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!**

**“MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOW-!”**

All the surrounding cats looked at each other in understanding.

_Snipped. Snipped. Snipped. Poor him, miao._

_No miao girl maw._

_Even worse, maw._

No. No. No. No. No. **NO**. This was not happening-!

_Maybe ship traveller, miao. Makes sense, maw._

Somehow, Fareeha Amari ended up in Reinhardt University.

Cat Village Section.

* * *

 

**GERMANY.**

**Author's Note:**

> Hallo~ This will be a short story guys. Attention will get a new chapter soon. In the meaning tiiime...
> 
> I hope you'll like this one. I'm just so happy to have gotten good results from Uni till now.
> 
> Did I mention I'm drunk? Cause I'm drunk. :-D
> 
> Edit: Changed the title because I'm in a happy mood. (Plus, I have plans for that pun) :-)
> 
> Edit 2: Changed the Uni name from Ziegler to Reinhardt. Still German, still Blessed.  
> That complicated things, what was I thinkiiiiiiing~ (slaps forehead)


End file.
